4 lessons I’ve learned about leadership from the guy with the earring in his nose

‘Who Dares, Learns’

Many years ago as a young lad from Tamworth I might have been described as socially clumsy, perhaps a little too cheeky and mischievously adventurous. I was splashing my way through life with little concept of the effect that I had on others – my experience of leadership was uninspiring, and most likely limited to a fearful respect for the power of position and a blind adoration for leaders in sporting arena.

On one occasion I was at the Nelson’s Bay RSL club. I was a 17 year old country boy who decided to have a few drinks, a ‘night out’ if you like. Some allege that on this occasion I over consumed and some might say I was a tad obnoxious.  At one stage I sighted the first man I’d ever seen with what I thought at the time was an earring in his nose. He looked a bit like, and had similar characteristics to a younger Australian version of Professor Snape from Harry Potter fame  (excuse the stereotyping here but it was 50 years ago). Being the early 70’s, when travelling holidays were less common, I was not that worldly and had never experienced men wearing such jewellery before.

I went up to him and ‘got right in his face’ (us young country boys had no concept of social distancing, in those days).

I said to him quite provocatively –

What are you doing with an earring in your nose? 

I half expected a reaction, some sort of rebuke. But it wasn’t forthcoming, he didn’t react -  he took a while to respond to my afront and then, looking at me with the face of a rock, he said to me calmly.

So people like you will never forget me.

And you know what. To this day, as hard as I have tried I’ve never been able to forget this guy.

So now I am older I can reflect back on this encounter, perhaps less cheeky and more respectful, less adventurous and more inquisitive and a little more socially developed. I now value and admire leaders at every level, in every walk of life – community workers, researchers, change agents – many of them unknown to most of us.

I conclude that I must have progressed a bit since those early days. I am no longer spending my time learning about leadership in clubs and pubs. I spend most of my time thinking about what makes people tick as well as hanging out with my family as it is they that inspire me and deepen my understanding of people and subsequently of my quest to be a better facilitator of leadership. See photo of my team.

So what was the significance of this event in terms of better understanding leadership? In retrospect here are 4 things that I learned from this encounter:

1.     Leadership starts with you and how you view yourself as a leader.

I have concluded that everything we say and do has the potential to influence people profoundly. We influence people every day by what we do and what we say (Hmm! This sounds a smidgeon poetic). This occurs by both act and omission – what we don’t do and say is equally important. The effect can be profound without us being aware of the impact we have. The man with the ear ring in his nose was ‘being’ a certain way. He likely wasn’t a trained influencer. He had made a decision at some time to challenge the status quo and what better place to do it then in a conservative environment like an RSL club among people who valued tradition. Apparently, 50 years down the track it had

an impact on me. I now find myself more aware of the impact of what I do and say but it never seems to amaze me how much people will take on from what others say and do.

The question that guides and challenges me to this day. What do I stand for and how am I ‘being’ about the things I could influence – especially those that I value and care about?

2.     Leading is more than just talking.

The guy with the earring didn’t preach to me, he didn’t suggest, convince or counsel me. He didn’t actively react to me either. He taught me in action by responding respectfully through what he said and did in the moment. It occurs to me that this is a very powerful way to influence and to create insights.

The ongoing question for me. Do I need to spend more of my time as a leader being the change that I want?

3.       Leadership is sometimes about taking an unreasonable stand.

We can all contribute to leading change towards a more desirable future, but it often takes a lot of courage. To contribute doesn’t, by itself mean that things will change but it does plant the seed for change and if supported by enough people it will continue build towards real change. The guy with the earring was courageous – he stood for ‘being the difference’ without out any surety that it would make a real difference.

The question that challenges me. Am I strategic and persistent with the things I want to influence?

4.       Impactful Leaders appreciate and value individual differences.

It occurs to me that no two people on earth have exactly the same likes and dislikes. This is because each individual has a unique set of life experiences as well as often unique interpretations of those experiences. It follows that because we coexist we will very often view things differently. It also occurs to me that if leaders aspire to be the best that they can be they need to value people as human beings and appreciate that we are all on a growth and learning journey. I got the sense that the man with the earring in his nose valued me in that moment and took the time to give me a different experience. For me this experience served as a poignant catalyst as to how I could treat my fellow humans differently.

The question that challenges me. To what extent am I creating the space for people to learn from each other?

Of course I have many other stories to tell – but enough for now.